Too broke to Occupy

When they rioted in London this summer my mom said, it won’t be long before they do that here. Now that Occupy Wall Street is going on we all know she was right, though I’m not sure if we all believed her then.

Why do you think they will do that here, I asked her.

Its inevitable, you can’t just keep treating people this way and expect them to take it.

Which way, I asked.

You can’t oppress people they will fight back if you keep them in hard times.

See, I’m a little bit clueless about all this my last three years are in a vault. I remember 2008 and voting for Obama and having all this hope and belief, which I still try to maintain.

2009 is a huge blur of beer cans as I went from one abusive relationship to another. I was looking for someone to comfort me and tell me “it is going to be ok, you’re not going to prison”. Instead I found enablers. It was my huge downfall-faceplant-bottom drop. I waited for the Feds to come, they did. And they gave me every chance to NOT have to go to prison. But I couldn’t quit drinking, for the life of me, I couldn’t quit.

So that whole year was a blur awaiting my fate inebriated.

2010 I was locked up, I turned myself in while drunk (very drunk) suffered the worst hangover ever, and then when I came out of that funk, I though FUUUUUCK! I fucked up, I won’t go home until the fuckin judge says I can. So anyway I received an 18 month sentence out of a possible 6 to 12 months, lol. The judge was pretty pissed at me even though the 4 page letter I wrote was praised by the United States attorney as “one of the best we ever read, but SHE’S A MANIPULATOR!” Either way, my lawyer, the probation office, the US attorney, and myself all agreed on 12 months, the judge thought otherwise. ūüôā

It was ok though because I spent that whole year, I served 4 months locked up in county jail with one week in the Oklahoma City Federal Transfer Center, and 10 months in federal prison. I arrived in federal on May 5 and left on March 2nd. At any point in time I must honestly say, I wasn’t scared. I know most people probably won’t believe me, but my dad talked to me. He was in federal prison for 6 years. We had inipi ceremony and prayed for my journey and he talked to me. “Its ok in there,” he said,”not like jail. When you get there the food is really good, sometimes on holidays you get steak, and they have a salad bar. Just remember this is your time, you do your time, no one elses. Don’t let anyone get to you, you’re stronger than that.”

When I was leaving him, he said “One more thing, don’t be scared.”

I nodded

“I mean don’t BE scared, they are people that can give you time, they can take your freedon and they have power like that, but you will always have your ancestors behind you. ¬†They don’t have that.”

I watched him drive away and remembered that.

That is why I was never scared, everything I went through was another thing ti get through all the while in my head silently screaming

FuCk You! I have my ancestors no matter how above me you think you are, I have my ancestors!

And I must have. Not to say I wasn’t frustrated and all but I still got through it drama and drug free, whole lotta books read though. Lotta writing, the funny thing is when I got out everyone gave my letters back to me that I wrote. LoL I think they want me to publish them someday or something. Anyway where I started in this entry was when I got out I had no idea what state our country was in, I never watched TV, you don’t get newspapers, you’re pretty much clueless about politics nor do you care.

The hard time I had getting a job was my first clue, the second was when I got out of the halfway house, and like I wrote about before, the price of bacon and all groceries for that matter. I can’t believe shit. Today going around to peoples yard sales I wondered how many *needed* the money from the yard sale. And as I saw all the For Sale signs on the houses, I wondered how many had foreclosed, dashing the dreams of many families. When I pulled up to the bank to cash a 30 dollar check that I sold a bracelet for, I saw a fat banker being picked up by his wife heading out for a weekend of who knows, martinis, whatever, and I wondered if he foreclosed on any families today. ¬†Taking away the bedroom some little girl knew all her life, enjoy that martini, fucker.

I remember a lady we was in county jail with, she was sweet, and in her late 70’s. ¬†She came in on a Friday, she was so scared, shaky, ready to cry at the drop of a hat. ¬†She sat with us at our table the whole weekend and told us her story. ¬†When they hit their 70s eight years earlier, her husband decided to stop paying taxes on their retirement. ¬†She said she told him they would get in trouble but he said screw the govt, this is our hard earned money that we both worked over 50 years for. ¬†And maybe he was hitting that stage in his life of “fuckitall” ¬†She said they never heard anything so they¬†continued¬†to live off their meager retirement checks. ¬†Then one day, (that Friday) they went o the grocery store, came home, saw all the cars parked around but didn’t think it was for them until they got out with their groceries and were man handled by the¬†marshal’s. ¬†She came in with a sore hip from being pushed to the ground. ¬†I did everything I could to tell her she would probably NOT go to prison. (She never even had a parking ticket.) I told her she would get arraigned on Monday, plead not guilty and all of this would be a memory. ¬†When that happened she hugged me that Monday. ¬†I always remember her rose colored glasses and hope someday they would turn her world rose colored again. ¬† Now I know that they should have been paying taxes on their retirement check, but I also know they didn’t have to go through it all like that. ¬†The FBI could have sent an agent out to talk to them in the first place and let them turn themselves in.

The state of the nation is crazy, I remember being able to get a job easy.  Now its so precious and I HAVE to get one, or I go back.  I wish I had the money to Occupy Wall Street but I suppose that would be a violation of my federal probation.   Maaan, Fuck the Feds!  I got my ancestors behind me.


4 thoughts on “Too broke to Occupy

  1. It’s gonna take a long time for the institutions and their people to get over the Bush/Cheney ‘everyone’s out to get us’ mentality. Things like this were rare prior to 2004.

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