The Wateca Warrior Princess (repost)

I originally wrote this on August 12, 2008 after my grandma’s funeral and it went to press after that. LOL, I still need to get me some wateca warrior shades!

The Legend of the Wa Teca Warrior Princess
I am sure if you read my column, you know that ever since I moved back to the reservation, I have been fascinated with the Art of Wa Teca. Seriously i am thinking of designing a line of tupperware called Wa Teca Ware, but as long as you can re use butter bowls, coffee cans, and cool whip bowls, my dream of Wa Teca Ware is long and far off. I have heard people talk of the Wa Teca Warrior. A Mythical figure that can wa teca faster than my youngest son can tie his left shoe.
Legend has it that the wa teca warrior is an elderly with a sagye (cane) to beat you off if you so happen to reach into their designated wa teca area. The Wa Teca warrior has many, many takojas (grandkids) to feed, which is why they wa teca quicker than you can say wojapi.
I also found out that the legend is mythical but the Wa Teca Warrior does exist.
Let me tell you what happened without using any names.
I was sitting at a huge feeding last week with some of my homegirls. I was still eating when I saw the usual “wa teca crew.” Grandmothers getting maybe one bowl or so of soup and some crackers to take home and eat while watching Wheel of Fortune. Then I saw her.
Yes, her. The Wa teca Warrior is a girl, so in other words a princess. She is not elderly and doesn’t own a sagye and has yet to pull a takoja out of the woodwork. She’s younger than me. But man, can she wa teca.
She wa teca-ed so fast we all stopped eating to watch her.
“Wow.” Someone said as she whipped up 7 bowls of soup with tinfoil that appeared out of nowhere. She already had a huge box to put them in. She threw in bread, crackers and two bowls of salad. Then she walked out.
We all sat with our mouths hanging open, awestruck at the thought of how fast someone could wa teca.
Someone whispered “She wa teca’s like a grandma.”
Then she walks in again and we watch. What more could she take in round 2? Then I see the sandwiches. She grabs a tinfoil pan and loads it up with sandwiches, grabs the big box of chips and flips open a grocery bag that she then filled with all the lunchbag sized chips that she could squeeze in there. There was no possible way she had any more room, I knew. But yet, she found a way to fit a plate full of cake in the mix. Then she put her shades on, turned ansd waved at everyone and strolled out as if she was Dirty Harry.

WAIT, she wasn’t done! I knew I saw her looking at the kool aid dispenser on her way out the door. She comes back in with a plastic jug and shakes the hell out of the kool aid dispenser. With her shades still on, she grabs a passing kid with one hand and makes him hold her plastic jug while she tips the kool aid dispenser until the last drop…..dripped.

Then she leaves. As if victorious in a gunfight after 3 rounds.
And that my friends, is the legend of the Wa Teca Warrior Princess. Keep your eyes open, she can be found at a wake, funeral, memorial, birthday party, baby shower, graduation dinner, feast near you.

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2 thoughts on “The Wateca Warrior Princess (repost)

  1. ROTFLMAO!! OMG, and I consider myself expert at wateca-ing … I’m only a beginner compared to this!! I love it and laughed so hard when I read this because I remembered our facebook banter on this subject!

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