The Hindrance of Hope?

I’m wondering if me sobering up really changed me that much? I thought I always was somewhat about change, hope, freedom, and all that even though I had no idea what they really meant or the fact that I was half pickled.

Now that I am a free person, sober, and writing again, I feel as if I must have turned into this huge asshole to some people with my positiveness and hope for change.

I lost my best friend over the fact that I wrote about the pipeline, and others close to me never have anything nice or encouraging to say about anything I write or post. I’m seriously not looking for sympathy with this blog post so please, if you think that direct your pity to a homeless person or stray animal.

I am just kind of freaked out that my new attitude in life bothers some people (some really close to me) so bad, that I am starting to wonder if I am wrong and if having hope is a hindrance?

I don’t in no way, shape, or form, believe for a second I can change the world with my writing, nor do I think anything I have to say should bother someone who claims to love me. If they don’t support me, they should accept me and my beliefs for what they are…mine.

There are, however, people out there who have changed the world. This whole month, Black History Month, is all about movers, shakers, and people who have changed the world. They had hope, they never gave up.

All I do is write about things, issues I care about. I won’t stop writing because people I used to throw beers back with think I’m full of shit now. In reality I was full of shit back then, not changing myself.

I will continue to write because maybe one of my kids or future grandkids will be a mover, a shaker, or have the capability to change the world and will someday say “See it seemed like she was talking shit, but she did have hope.”

I just don’t get what is so bad about having hope.

“What is true of the individual will be to-morrow true of the whole nation if individuals will but refuse to lose heart and hope.”

Mahatma Gandhi


11 thoughts on “The Hindrance of Hope?

  1. My Niece, Some people would rather you return to the darkness of life where they are. Being locked down by hoplessness and pickled is a sad place. But, thank God that you saw the ray of hope and are back into the light. Continue to shed your hope for change and the good and never for a second doubt what you chose in the way of whats best for your life. You are past that hinderence in your life. There will always be some who dont agree but thats one of the beauty’s of it all. As long as people can agree to disagree agreeably.Those who walk away from you, walk away.Their choice..

    You’re an awesome individual and writer, a gift from God. As long as you realize that, you will always have hope, faith and love…

  2. Hope can create fear in a lot of people who hide behind hopelessness to excuse themselves from change. After all, if it’s out of your control, who can blame you? Seeing someone turn their lives around makes you realize that you could do the same thing. Some would call that inspiring; others see it as threatening. Presenting yourself as one kind of person (no matter how damaged or dysfunctional that person was) to your close friends, and then renouncing that and admitting you can be better, calls into question their role in your life back then. If you were an asshole then,did they encourage you? If you were self-destructive, didn’t they enable you? What kind of friend were they, really? However, no matter what is going on in your life, you only have to be able to look at yourself at the end of the day and live with what you see. You don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond that.

  3. never stop hoping or believing, it is that that finds answers to mysteries and change the world for the better. it is all so never an easy path….Tunkasila never meant for us to stop looking, hoping, striving, it is a poor soul who is scared of trying and rolls over to expose their belly

  4. i had to write a post like myself. Optimism can really irritate people because they’re jealous, like some are of people in fresh and new, young love.

    All you can do is be who you are. The people who are around you when you are at your happiest are your true friends.

  5. I think its pretty sad they can’t be there for you when happy. I went to his twitter to see what he was up to, only place we didn’t block each other and he never tweets and yes because I miss him and he favorited one of my tweets the other day. He was making fun of me at 2 am. That is what I get for going there, lol. Now that won’t be happening again.

  6. This is a tough one. Like that guy Al up there wrote, it seems that some people can really be irritated by the hope/optimism. I like his advice, too.

    I think there could be another issue. That your optimism and hope is a challenge (or maybe seen as a threat) for them to be the same (that is, more optimistic and making positive changes in their lives). People often don’t like to change, at least not until they are READY. Sometimes people use the excuse that it is impossible to change just to let themselves off the hook. Then they see someone who IS changing and it is a kind of slap to the face, a kind of “HEY! You have no more excuses! Look at Dana Dane there! She’s changed!” It freaks them out, right? That’s one theory.

    Another thing that could be going on is that they just don’t know what to believe and trust. When one person in a friendship or relationship changes dramatically, it alters the landscape of the relationship. Some people can adapt to this change; others can’t or won’t so easily depending on their issues in life, too.

    In either case, the most important thing is your sobriety. You can’t change how people will respond to you, you can only accept the person for what he or she is in peace, or you can let the relationship go (and same for them – vice versa). Whatever issue that person has is something within them to deal with, not something you need to be responsible for. I mean, sure, if you are really kind of rubbing the change in someone’s face (have you ever met a newly converted person to Christianity, for example? OMG — it can be really annoying!! Or, like Al up there says, someone who is newly in love?!? Equally annoying! Mostly when that person just cannot shut up about Jesus or about how great the sex they are having three times a day is… That’s the kind of “in someone’s face” thing I mean), then maybe you are playing a part in it, too. But on the other hand, who cares? If you want to be happy about what your recovery is doing for you in order to solidify it in your heart and mind that it is indeed something good, then THAT is important to you and your sobriety. The people who truly love you will be flexible with you and love you no matter what. Even if you are glowing annoyingly with an upbeat spirit. 😉 Hee hee. People are going to diss the new-found change. They will. It’s threatening to them and to their STUCK way of life. So be it. You just keep going on with your bad self, doing what you need to do to stay sober.

    If you lose friends over it, they will be replaced with others who will love and care just as much. It’s the other person’s loss if he or she cannot hang in there with you through the changes.

    Says she who is in her sixth year of reading your blogs online. 😀 No, I have not lived with you in the day-to-day. We don’t have to share a bathroom and a kitchen. Our relationship has enough space in it that we’re not having to do friendship at that nitty-gritty level. But as far as love and support (a kind of prayer, I guess) of you as a person and as a writer, I am here to do that. I am still here.

    Virtual hugs to you, Dana.

  7. (P.P.S I also just realized I said in a LOT more words the exact same thing that Tatiana wrote very clearly and a lot more concisely — in fewer words, ha. I should have just written “ditto to Tatiana.” But then you would not have gotten three comments from me, either, lol. Including a blomment!)

  8. “I don’t in no way, shape, or form, believe for a second I can change the world with my writing…” Change the world? ..Maybe not. But you’ve changed me. Already in the few blog posts I’ve read and the tiny conversation we’ve had so far, you’ve truly impacted me. Don’t ever feel like your optimism is a problem. It’s extremely difficult to change the world, but you can change others, or influence, rather, and they in turn influence others. Before you know it you’ve impacted a hundred other lives, even though indirectly. Don’t worry, Dana. Your hope, your freewriting, your life and stories and the very spirit I can feel through your words are making a difference. And even if it’s only me, I write what I learn. Thank you for sharing your stories. I will never forget them.

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