Get in the Pit and Try to Love Some One

I am taking a small ten minute break from the book. I just thought I would blog. It’s been awhile and I used to try to blog once a week. I remember when I started, seven years ago I had no idea anyone would read the shit I have to say. I do like to laugh and tease, talk shit and give people hell. That’s just how life is. It’s the way I grew up, how my dad is, so many uncles, bros, and guy cousins, who are also bros. Can’t say nothing around them.
Sometimes I get in that mode too much, I get tired of it. I joke so much people don’t really see me for all my emotional value. Or I guess I convey it. I convey humor, anger, care, love, all the stuff I am supposed to except hurt.

An no one would know the better anyway.

Life isn’t like that. Gotta be tough, no crying around, haha that’s what I always tell little cousins and shit.

Maybe someday I could just scream it all out like Kid Rock.

Just get in the pit and love someone, fuck!


2 thoughts on “Get in the Pit and Try to Love Some One

  1. I started to write yesterday but I got sidetracked by my Granddaughter~I told her she could swim in the water tank~lol. She thought it was great.
    I show anger when I am hurt. Sometimes I think I get panicked when my feelings register hurt and in my mind I have to “get going” to get away. Sometimes I clean the floor or rake outside~fast.
    “I joke so much people don’t really see me for all my emotional value. Or I guess I convey it. I convey humor, anger, care, love, all the stuff I am supposed to except hurt.” I felt my heart ache when i read that sentence you wrote. I related to it. I am am Alcoholic, gratefully I am in recovery~I was overwhelmed by my kids so I gave up and let them live with their dads,it was in the eighties so it was not as common then as now. After a long battle~and drinking alot~I finally agreed to let the youngest go to his dad. I drank through it and I remember vividly~packing everything up and helping his dad and his young girlfriend take him. The whole time I was smiling and acting like it was going to be “fun”. I can vividly feel the hurt and pain of that decision today all these years later. When I shut the door, as they were driving away, as soon as the door closed behind me, I broke out into hysterical crying and fell against the door,sliding to the floor. I felt so much pain. I drank,of course and after days of drinking and depression, maybe weeks, trying to figure out what to do now! I did what I thought would “fix it”. I moved 2,000 miles away~the rest is history. That was 1984 or so. To this day I still have the same kinds of feelings of running~LMAO………moving has gotten harder and I think to myself sometimes~If I had put that Moving Energy into positive things I could have stayed closer to my kids (at least) and blah blah blah……………there are always other stories within the story for me,for everyone.
    .I never graduated either,I made my living by moving to where I could. I worked for horse trainers,horses saved me along with getting sober in 1986 only to drink again in 2002~getting sober again in 2005, still sober today and fighting the demons of mental illness. So I related to that sentence and decided to write to your blog,I saw a comment you posted on a FB page and I ,for some reason,was drawn to check it out. I always have to remind myself to be grateful for what I do have because I am always thinking I should have more……….
    Wow,I have written a lot~people inspire me,not all people just random people, like you~you made a comment and I cannot remember what it was exactly but it brought me here and now I am getting to say something.
    My husband is recovering from Open Heart Surgery and I have many pets~we got a rundown place in the country in Texas. I just keep going day after day and try to stay in reality~which only consists of taking care of my husband and animals~it is a longer story than that~I look up to you~you are a writer~we all are writers. You are contributing and inviting others to contribute too. Our lives,in my opinion are interesting~no matter who we are or what our lives consist of~we can make a difference in many ways because of the internet. it scares me,but it is a tool (Internet).
    back to the sentence that compelled me to finally write here (Thank you for that).
    “I joke so much people don’t really see me for all my emotional value. Or I guess I convey it. I convey humor, anger, care, love, all the stuff I am supposed to except hurt.” all these emotions are tied to a delicate string(of sorts) tied together, sometimes in knots or tangles. For me,I mean~that just came to me~I can “Know something” but I really don’t “Know something” until I feel it~I will be 60 this coming February 3~the time goes so fast~life really is short!

    I am hoping this makes some kind of sense~I don’t feel I can tell anyone anything,I wouldn’t do things the way I have done them~it took what it took to get me to where I am today. I wonder about it a lot~I hope this is what you do when you Blog~Laughing a little now.
    I felt a bit like I was witnessing a family when I read one of your Blog section~it was nice…….even though you were having a controversy~it read to me like a family~

    Respectfully Pam

  2. I do scream, alot! Sometimes I don’t even know I am screaming~I talk loud and act tough……..puffy marshmellow really:)

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