Recently, I received an apology from someone I wasn’t even mad at. Maybe they thought I was mad because I blocked them on facebook. I will block negativity, especially if it is about one of my kids. Even if they are 18. I will be 100 years old and if you say something about my 80 year old son, I will die defending him. Apparently, other things were said about me because the apology was for saying mean, hurtful things about me. I didn’t read them. I never went back to that post. It’s kind of crazy to know NOW that some shit was said that probably would have riled me up, but honestly I don’t even care.
I have been through so much bullshit in my life. I’m not perfect, never was. I’m no angel, not even close. Although I do plan on being buried in angel wings and with a halo, just in case, you know, I have to sneak by St. Peter.
There are many things on this big blue and green planet I would have done differently except they happened and I can’t change it. Things I am not proud of but they made me who I am. I think of all the times I was alone and I just wanted my kids, wanted my mom. Times I couldn’t sleep, times I suffered alone, cried to no one, stared into emptiness and dreamed of home. Honestly, I would change none of it. All the dysfunctional messed up abusive relationships, all the anticipation of where my train wreck of a life was going, knowing I would have my day in court, be judged like I was the devil and shipped off, only to suffer more humiliation at the hands of the govt. Knowing I was nothing but a fucking number to them. Then feeling the greatest feeling in the world to be set free only to realize society sees you lower than pond scum and your friends and family stereotype you as a felon? All that bad bullshit I went through, I wouldn’t change a thing.
Because I beat that, I own that past like a boss. I got through it and I am over it. And I can get through anything.
So if really you think less of me or don’t like me or say bad things about me, it don’t even bother me.
I don’t stress over bullshit, anymore. Because that’s all it all is, is bullshit. My perspective is from rock bottom and rising now.
Because I have four beautiful children still. Because I am free to move about and enjoy the sunset without it reflecting in razor wire.
I am ok.
Thanks for the apology. I forgive you for whatever you said. Life is short. Take time to enjoy every beautiful minute out here in the free world because there are so many beautiful souls on the inside, wanting to be you for all of ten minutes out here.
Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry. Ain’t gotta lie to kick it