Stronger than a “good upbringing.”

I can only write this as humanly possible as I know. As a parent. As a sister. As a friend. As a human.

There are many legal loopholes and arguments over the Veronica Brown case. As the world knows, her father lost her yesterday. The adopted couple took custody and the father who fought so hard for his daughter that he even turned himself in, will not be a part of her life until she seeks him out when she is legally able to.

I am not here to argue, whether the adopted mom was right, whether the adopted couple is right, whether Dusten Brown was right. Obviously the court went where the money was and crapped all over the ICWA laws set in place to protect our children.

The ICWA laws however have to be upheld. I still lost my brother for 21 years even though those laws were set in place.

However, I am not even going to write about that. I am going to talk about how I was up late text a good friend who grew up in an adopted home. Pulled away from her Native family. She was heartbroken over the case.

Despite all the laws, all the courts, lawyers, despite everything, despite the loving home some adoptees grow up in, although many do not and that is a sad thing, an individual will always wonder, will always seek out where they are from, who they are.

I have many friends who went home, found out where they were from, my brother prayed for the day we would find him, I even know one who still has anger issues with his birth mother because of the lies told to him by the adopted family, but he still sought her and found her.

There is something there that money, cannot buy. There is something there that is stronger than all the love an adopted family can provide. It is innate, it is genetic, it is DNA, and it is that strong spiritual pull to find out who you are.

Especially when you were told all your life that you were someone else.

People do not get that. But I do. I feel for every one of you.

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2 thoughts on “Stronger than a “good upbringing.”

  1. this rings true for me. I will never truly be able to connect with who i am because of this, i am close, and have relative slike you and your mom to remind me. But so much was robbed of me, and in my weaker moments i am angry as hell. thank yo for standing up for her and all of us… it matters.

  2. I have watched this event happening and I am sad that the adoptive parents cannot see how this is playing out because of their actions. Really saddened by their disregard for the childs welfare.
    I watched my own children go through this tug of war~two different fathers,I could not fight them all and the demons of my alcoholism. In the 70’s and 80’s there was not much support. We fought, and we were caught up in our own agendas. Too make a long and difficult story short,I relinquished physical custody to each boys father. The older boy’s dad was not as hard to deal with as the younger boys. father was~over the years we played this game out to the bewilderment of this little boy.
    Fast forward to the present my young son in his mid thirties killed himself last May. I have asked myself over and over that daunting question??? Was I to blame? and many other questions similar.
    As a young man he had many oppurtunities to deal with his issues and didn’t. Alcohol,drugs,women became his bandage for whatever pain he had,most of us know that does not work long term.
    As a parent I would advise Veronica’s adoptive parents to PARENT~and I would pray to the highest POWER to help bring them all together for Veronica’s benefit. They can’t cut her father out of her life as if he never existed,it isn’t right ,and it will have consequence for her, mainly.
    I don’t share openly alot. My son hung himself to death in May of 2013.
    There are many “things” inbetween, did he ever learn to deal with his emotions, no, how could he~we are the teachers. All the right parenting may not have made his ending any different than the way it has been written,we do not have the power to predict. Helping them along the way is only that,help.
    Love sometimes means letting go~sharing~asking for help~and then listening.
    Veronica will remember her father and even if she had never known him,her inate ability to connect would drive her to know him. Why would you not want that for her as a parent?????

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