I dreamed of shooting stars last night and a friend who is not here watching me from a thicket of trees. It woke me up and made my think of life and the future. Made me think what have I done so far? If anything at all. Well I gave life to three sons and a daughter and that was about it.
Another holiday season approaches. I watch my daughter growing into a young lady and it makes me somewhat sad. I don’t want her to develop, to grow taller than me, to fall in love, I don’t want her to make mistakes or ever know a broken heart.
But when I think back to my youth and how I dreamed my future would be, I see myself hurling through life like a shooting star, I was waiting to shine but I was sidetracked all the way. I wanted to be an adult and at the same time a girl.
I still feel like a girl, there is nothing my grey hair takes from the same feeling as when I was 8 years old. Maybe I know more, and am more experienced, but maybe I am the same girl whose eyes turn to raisins when she smiles. Maybe I am the same girl who has insecurities and still am unsure of my future. I mean how are people even sure of their future? No matter how much they invest, lightening can strike em down any day. They could stockpile food so they can live 3 months without going to the store and have a heart attack tomorrow. I don’t pretend to know more than I do. I am just a girl. The same girl I always was.
I am still that girl my Grandma never stopped believing in.
And I will never stop believing in my girl. Or my boys.