Tinza!

I’m one of those people that don’t like pictures that are posed for. I’m more into pictures that capture moments-like a memory.
I love this picture, my sons look like that are looking to the future. (Below) Somewhat determined and uncertain.
They did it, my sons. I shed a few tears but promised I wouldn’t cry earlier that day when my son tried on the cap in front of the mirror and I let a little gasp out and my eyes watered. They both laughed at me and said “Geez, mom.”
They don’t understand, it feels like yesterday when they both were rolling around like lion cubs. Everywhere I went I had two in diapers, fighting like ninjas. Tons of Power Ranger toys, and sons a year apart (same birthday) a constant tumble weed of karate-type wrestling. Mayhem and Chaos, my brother used to call them. No I explained over and over-they are not twins. They have the same birthday and they are close as twins. They are brothers.
They also don’t understand. I screwed up so much in my life, starting with making the choice to drop out of high school during my senior year. From that moment on I made my life a littler harder. And the crazy thing is, I threw a few hurdles in there to make my life even a little harder when it was hard enough. I had two children in one year. Fought their father in an on again off again dramatic 11 year relationship. And after that it took us a couple of years to adjust from being bitter ex’s to close friends. And with that our friendship as co-parents had to survive jealousy from relationships on both parts.
Yet through our bad parenting, poor choices in life, our stupid addictions, our complete dysfunction in and out of separate relationships, we both had a common goal and still do.
We want our children to have a drive and determination to be better than they were raised. We as co parents badgered them over the years, as I raised them up until they started becoming young men and then their father took the reins from there. We hounded them, fought with them so many times early in the morning. “Giddup!!!” “GET TO SCHOOL!!”
I know annoying the hell out of them at times as only parents can do to children.
But these are my boys.
And I know all those talks about no more hard times, no bowing your head to ask for food at food shelves, no more seeing your mom fight the system and the man demanding poor people be treated right.
You will graduate high school and go to college.
That life of poverty and pretending you are not worried about lights being shut off and/or on are now in your past.
Now you have done better than me already, now you go even further.
And now it’s on you sons.
Congratulations on this huge step in life and for doing it drug and alcohol free.
Tinza!

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